Toronto, January 26, 2021.
I had a dream.
I had a dream where I was celebrating Lunar New Year.
The Lunar New Year Celebrations were being held in a Red Chamber.
The Red Chamber was in fact, the Forbidden City.
The Forbidden City, now known as the Palace Museum, was one of my favourite places to visit when I lived in Beijing. Now that I think about it, I was fortunate to be there with some of my closest family members and friends. I loved walking through the Meridian door, where only an Emperor could go through. If you were a woman, just once in your life could you walk into the Palace through that door… on your wedding day if you were to marry the Emperor. I loved soaking this place full of history, and wondering on the perfection of its making. Being a Dragon, according to my Chinese Zodiac, I endeavoured to find the hidden dragons in the Palace Museum.
The Chinese New Year is the spark that fuels the greatest celebration in the Lunar Calendar in China. The first time we were there as a family, we experienced being part of the largest human migration on the planet, taking the bullet train from Shanghai to Beijing, joining thousands who travelling from mega cities to their hometowns for the Spring Festival. No other festivity in the Lunar Calendar sparks a greater motivation to be with family in the Middle Kingdom.
So it is telling I had this dream of celebrating Chinese New Year, now that I no longer live there.
I had this dream exactly on the anniversary date when I left Beijing in 2020, hoping to escape COVID19. With my two girls and two suitcases, we left our home to join my husband in Canada. We did not know it then, but we would not be back in China in three weeks, as we thought. We did know by that day that a new type of coronavirus originated in Wuhan was spreading like wild fire. While there were very few cases in Beijing, that New Years’ Eve the writing was on the wall. Beijing could be locked down, being the centre of the Middle Kingdom.
I find it even more revealing that in the dream, my memories of China were those of happiness, and togetherness. The New Year celebrations were in full, with red lanterns, and fireworks to scare the Nian monster away. The people in my dream were smiling, another telling sign I was dreaming… I could see the smiles, no one was wearing masks.
When I woke up, I stayed in bed with my eyes closed … trying to hold on to the sensations of this dream: the sense of celebration, togetherness and common humanity – the very elements COVID has taken away from us.
Then I felt a pang of sadness, realizing that exactly a year from being catapulted away from home, I mainly missed closing our chapter in China with those special places, friends and experiences that came with our years there.
As a new Lunar Year looms around the corner, I close my eyes and remember that in reality, the last time I heard the fireworks in China was a night prior to the Chinese New Year of the Rat which brought a global pandemic from the Middle Kingdom to the rest of the world.
Perhaps is better to go back not to that moment of stark realization that it was not Nian looming on that day, but the ugly monstrous head of a global pandemic.
Perhaps when remembering China, it would be better for me to go back to my dream.
To the dream of celebrating New Year in a Red Chamber.
To the dream celebrating Chinese New Year with friends, family, and fireworks… in the Forbidden City.
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